Last night was one of the longest nights in my life. Amy had a terrible night filled with muscle cramps. I feel like I’ve hardly slept, and Lauren is a total zombie.

All through the night, the silence was suddenly split by screams that would break your heart. We medicated her as much as we could, put lotion on her leg and massaged, helped her to stretch what muscle she had, applied heat to try to relax her… all while she screamed, thrashed, hit me, and begged me to make it stop.

I feel so useless.

I feel like a monster. ?

I called the doctor first thing this morning, and already received a call back. We ran over the laundry list of what we’re doing, and he had nothing to add. He’s going to reach out to her doctor, who is currently on rounds, and see what else we can do.

He did offer some hope, however. Cramps like these tend to happen in healing patients as nerves and other things that may have been disconnected in surgery reconnect.

Update 2:30pm:

We’ve been spending the day cleaning, with the music up and in all rooms. Amy has spent most of the day in her wheelchair, and is comfortable. I’m so thankful we have it.

Just before we left to go to the store, the doctor called back. We went over the long list of questions I had previously sent by email, like when we needed to be seen next, when x-rays are next, and then spoke about the cramps. He didn’t have much advice, but the x-rays don’t indicate trauma, so he feels this is healing pain. If so, it will be short lived. We just need to get through this rough patch. Together, we decided the best course of action is to go see her regular doctor. Maybe he will have an idea, or can do blood tests that will reveal a different area of need we can address.

I will call Monday, but I don’t think it will do much. Because if it was systemic, wouldn’t she have trouble in her other leg??? On the other hand, maybe it IS a systemic issue, but so very slight, that she’s only symptomatic in an atrophied muscle?

I feel like the answer is that we need an articulated brace, which is a brace with a hinge on the ankle. With a hinge, she would be able to bend her ankle again, and it would allow her calf muscle to activate and have use again. That along with some PT to regain strength and use? It could work… but at what cost? A hinge means greater freedom of movement, but at the sacrifice of stability. And with her graft so fragile? It would be very unwise, as the graft would likely break.

Which is when the bomb dropped.

More surgery.

Dr. Hoffinger says that it is up to us, but as he hasn’t seen a great lot of healing in Amy, despite the Exogen, he feels that surgery is a viable option. An outpatient procedure, he would go in over her current scar at the ankle and add BMP and some grafting material to try to get some good union at the distal end.

I don’t want her to have more surgery. ?

Looks like Amy’s Dad and I have a lot to talk about. I wonder when we can sit down undistracted and talk in private?

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